_я𝕪ＡŇ LＥＡ𝓬σ𝓬𝕂_ᵇ𝔩σＧ
why i wrote THE FIRE INSIDE
Why I wrote THE FIRE INSIDE
Back when I was in the fold, everything good was given to God as credit.
Life, inspiration, and intuition were gifts from God. These amazing things were the Holy Spirit alive inside us, speaking to us, and guiding us.
But even back then, even at my most indoctrinated, I would still wonder - "Yeah, but non-Christians have these gifts as well."
After I made Backslider, I knew that The Fire Inside was next.
I wanted to ask the big questions that all of us ask:
Why are we here?
Why is there life inside of me?
As a creative person, I have a built-in need to make - where does that come from?
Why do we all share this same fire?
The Fire Inside is the "spiritual sequel" to Backslider. If that last zine was about looking back, The Fire Inside is about looking around with fresh eyes. It is about the Fire we all share - especially those of us who decide to live a creative life.
Because in the end, I still believe that the Fire is a gift from God - it's a gift given to all of us.
There are a couple pieces in the zine that have been inside of me for years - these are the core elements that everything else gathered around.
One of the ways my creativity works, is like this - there are "Idea Planets" floating in space of my mind and with time, some of them pull other ideas into their gravitational pull - growing and becoming projects.
These two ideas formed the whole zine.
AS FAR AS WE KNOW
It's becoming more and more likely that there are aliens out in the universe somewhere. But as of right now, as far as we know we are the only beings in all the universes that write, that sing, that express ourselves through art. We may be alone, in all of this space, doing our little works.
So while your poetry or painting may be 1 of millions in the world - our work is singular in the universe. I think that's a beautiful thing to be part of.
SNAILS
I haven't liked most of the places that I've worked, and I don't do well with mornings. But one morning, dragging myself to a place I didn't want to be - I saw something holy and primal.
The sun was out and the morning was crisp. 100's of tiny snails were awake and inspired to greet the day. These small snails covered the wall of a place I hated, each had a little spark of the life that is inside of me - and I found that beautiful.
I stood there and appreciated the life before me - enjoying the brief delay before heading into the much loathed workplace.
These were the core building blocks for The Fire Inside. The cornerstones of everything I wanted to express in the zine.
I don't want to spend all of my time talking or writing about what I've lived through - for me The Fire Inside complements Backslider because it completes the yin-yang energy. That's why I made it.
If you'd like to read it or Backslider - both can be purchased over on my esty.
- Ryan Leacock
Ryan Leacock is a designer, writer and actor who's worked in a variety of creative fields and expressions. He's written short films, commercials, blogs and has just published his second collection of original writings. Ryan has designed apps. websites and hundreds of signs at his 9-5.
Ryan has nearly finished his 4th year hosting the Creative People Podcast, which he self-produces a few times a month.
He currently lives in Kitchener, Ontario with his wife, 4 kids, 1 dog and 2 cats.
a work of my own
A Work of my Own - What is a Shadow Career and why is it so easy to get stuck in one
What is a “Shadow Career” and why is it so easy to get stuck there?
For the last few years, I had done very little creative work of my own.
Six years ago, I had a creative partnership go sideways and then hit the wall, crashing my creative work with it.
Before that, I had a made a really cool-looking app that got some attention but didn't really sell and is now obsolete - it was made for the iPad 4 and as of this writing, they’re at iPad 11. Updates to the iOS rendered my work obsolete.
I was a creative with no work.
So then, four years ago, I started a podcast and started making stuff again.
But I wasn't making stuff for me. I was making stuff for them... for the podcast, for the guests of the podcast, and to promote the podcast. It was work, and it was creative, but it wasn't my work.
In one of his many books, Stephen Pressfield describes a concept he calls "Shadow Careers." A Shadow Career is work in the shadow of the thing you really want to do.
So think, for example of someone who wants to be filmmaker but settles for a youtube channel where he reviews movies.
It’s basically anything you can do that gets you close to the thing you want - but without the risk of the thing you really want to do.
And that's where I was - for the last handful of years. Doing something creative and rewarding in the shadows of the work I really wanted to do.
The work that was inside of me to do.
When I started the Creative People Podcast, I remember telling people that it was because my creativity was a dog inside of me and it was eating my visceral couch. I needed to give it an activity or it would eat me alive, and that was certainly true.
Likewise, may it also be said that in no way am I crapping on the podcast or my work there. It was work I wanted to do, and am glad I did. I love the podcast and the 120 episodes I’ve made. It changed my life and I can’t wait to make more but you need to understand it isn’t My Work.
My Work had hurt me, My Work had disappointed me. My Work led to me almost losing a long-time friend, and my work was a dream that didn't pan out. My work had broken parts of my heart.
There is safety in a Shadow Career - and it’s was the best place for me while I healed. But eventfully it wasn’t enough, and I was too scared to try again.
Pointing to other people's work felt good and safer. It's like saying, "Hey, I made this thing - but you should be interested because it's about something you already like - or you should like it."
Rather than, "Hey, I made this thing and you might like it or you may not. But I felt like I was supposed to make it, and so I did. I think it's pretty good so I'm going to put it out there."
I believe that creativity is always an act of bravery, even more so when you're making your own work - because you put your whole self on the line.
So this year, I started again. I started building a body work - a work of my own.
I found a medium that matched my skill set, I found a market for my work and I made 2 Zines. 2 complete projects that are my work. I sold them on etsy and a zine fair - I got out of my comfort zone and I did the work I felt I was supposed to do.
And now, at the end of the year - I feel a peace I haven’t felt other years. And it’s with this feeling, that I am excited to head into 2024. I want to keep doing my work, and I hope this blog encouraged you to join me.
- Ryan Leacock
Ryan Leacock is a designer, writer and actor who's worked in a variety of creative fields and expressions. He's written short films, commercials, blogs and has just published his second collection of original writings. Ryan has designed apps. websites and hundreds of signs at his 9-5.
Ryan has nearly finished his 4th year hosting the Creative People Podcast, which he self-produces a few times a month.
He currently lives in Kitchener, Ontario with his wife, 4 kids, 1 dog and 2 cats.
_the_”good at drawing”_friend
This week on the podcast: EM - Hushpuppy Designs
THIS WEEK ON THE CREATIVE PEOPLE PODCAST:
EM - HUSHPUPPY DESIGNS
I started my forth season of the podcast, and then I took a break. There was some stuff I had to finish, namely my new Zine BACKSLIDER. But I’m done that, and I’m back with a new episode of the Creative People Podcast this week.
On this week’s episode I’m chatting with a local favourite of mine, EM from Hushpuppy Designs.
Here are some things that stood out to me, and why you should listen…
“ART FOR THE UNDERDOGS”
Can I first say that, that EM is a total natural on the podcast. I’ll have to find a reason to bring her back sometime because our chat was such good vibes. I’d love to co-host something with her.
We start off our convo talking about underdogs, and even though I’m a bit of a “cat-guy”, I love an underdog and I’m glad that EM is making art for us.
I’ve always felt like a bit of an underdog, it’s what brings some of us to our interest. Underdogs can usually find a home in the arts, it’s where our disadvantage can become our strength. We learn to take our pain, and mix it with a bit of talent and start to make magic.
On the podcast I love to hear about the journey of the creatives I talk to, I want to hear what made them start… and often what made them stop. It’s a very common thing for me other Creatives to tell me that they were “creative kids” but walked away from it for awhile, before coming back to it later in life.
When we’re growing up, we’re fragile and sometimes it just takes the wrong comment from someone we trust to derail us… sometimes for years. We can also derail ourselves when we wrongly compare ourselves to someone we perceive as way better than us.
If we want to draw, it could be a friend who is really good at drawing. I had one, and so did EM.
But the cool thing about art, and creativity in general is that we eventually learn that, better is subjective. My “good at drawing” friend, can’t do what I can do. His drawings are great, but they aren’t the right fit for every project. If we’re smart, and can relax about our perceived “lack of skill” we can find or make a place where our drawing is the best fit.
EM found her way back to drawing, she found her voice and her style. I wonder if her “good at drawing” friend is even still drawing? Creativity is about what you do with it.
This is one of the reasons I talked about Creativity being my “new religion” when I was chatting with EM on the podcast this week. In creativity there is a home for everyone. The underdogs can make a place for themselves here, it just takes a little resilience, self-awareness and hard work.
Those are two of my takeaways from the podcast this week. I really had a great time chatting with EM this week on the Creative People Podcast - click here to listen.
Thanks for reading.
- Ryan Leacock
Ryan Leacock is a designer, writer and actor who's worked in a variety of creative fields and expressions. He's written short films, commercials, blogs and has just published his first collection of original writings. Ryan has designed apps. websites and hundreds of signs at his 9-5.
Recently, he was bit by the acting bug and is having the time of his life reigniting a passion for acting/comedy onstage. Having recently appeared in 2 plays with Innovative Productions.
Ryan has just started his 4th year hosting the Creative People Podcast, which he self-produces a few times a month.
He currently lives in Kitchener, Ontario with his wife, 4 kids, 1 dog and 2 cats.
_a_happier_creative
How I became a happier creative. Despite my resting grump face.
AT THE BARBER
Yesterday I was getting my hair cut, and I was talking to my Barber about how my approach to creative work has changed. I'm a happier creative now, and that I wished I would have realized this sooner.
As I've said before, the podcast changed my life. As with all changes, it introduced new challenges.
When I make something, one of the things I want from it is for it to get noticed. There is so much noise, and so many things for people to check out... it's so easy and disappointing to be lost in the noise.
Something about the timing and approach of the Creative People Podcast - cut through that noise... even if was just a little bit. Some people were paying attention. Finally!
An idea that I had did it! It got some people to pay attention.
But instead of enjoying it, my mind said... "sure this is great, but maybe it could also make you money"
I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to make money, or making money. But let's talk about fulfillment and happiness. Those things are influenced by mindset and expectations. Expectations dictate our hopes and dreams, which affect our goals.
So you're a creative person, you have ideas, ambition and something to say or make. You start, and it's everything you dreamed of. You feel alive and unblocked, you have physical evidence of what you knew inside. You are a creator!
But then you have the thought or someone says, maybe you could sell this!
Ah, damn... capitalism strikes again!
NOTICE AND REDEFINE VALUE
Now the thing you made, has a new expectation - it needs to make you some cash. After all, things that cost money have value, and if someone pays for something... that means it's valuable. True.
But you made it, and you felt good when you did... that is also valuable.
When you looked at the things you made, and you felt pride. That's valuable. When you lost track of time, and you're body and soul were just MAKING, that was valuable.
But when you move the markers of expectation, and decide that it's only really valuable if you can sell it. You undercut all of that.
Art and creativity are for us, it's for our soul and it's how we exist in the world. Making stuff puts us in a flow that is in line with how we were built to live. But when you change the value to cash, you take those gifts away from yourself.
Some people can manage this fine, they can differentiate between the two with ease. But I haven't been one of those people. It took a mindset shift.
When I returned to working a regular job I decided that my work time was for cash, and the rest of my time was for me. My projects now have no expectations of cash, what so ever. Sure I plan on selling stuff. You can buy my new zine. But, it's a zine... how many am I going to sell?
I made it for me. I made it for someone who went through something similar to me. It has value.
If it sells well, that would be amazing. But it's not the point. The point is is that I made it. It exists. I did the work, I expressed what I wanted to say, and how I wanted it to look. Now I want to make something else.
MAKE SOMETHING… GO ON AN ADVENTURE
Now I look at each creative work as an adventure. Where is this thing going to go? What sorts of adventures could this open up?
Looking back, I wish that I would have looked at the podcast this way. During the Pandemic the Creative People Podcast was a doorway to people, and conversations that were unimaginable before the podcast. It opened up my world, and while I was enjoying it. It wasn't living up to the expectations… I was thinking about how I could make money from it.
If I had approached it as an adventure, I think I would have enjoyed it more. And I don't know if I would have burned out on it like I did.
And so, after a year and a half of working for myself, when all of my efforts had to equal cold hard cash - creative and non-creative. I realized that this was not the best way to live or attempt to live my (creative) life. I needed to separate the two.
The new approach: Work is for money.
All creativity is for me.
I moved the markers of expectation back. The things I make have value. I enjoyed making it, and I'm proud that they exists. Everything that comes after that, it just adventure. A little magic that the thing I made attracted. If that includes money, well that's the cherry on top.
This mindset has made me a happier creative. Despite my resting grump face.
Thanks for reading.
Shout out to Amber at Proper Barber Shop
- Ryan Leacock
_what_is_backslider__?
What is a “Backslider”? Why is the zine called” Backslider”?
WHAT IS A “BACKSLIDER”?
Backslider is a term used by Evangelical Christians for people who have left the church, or had fallen away.
One day it hit me, that’s what I would have called myself back in my Church days. It was a sobering realization. The old me, would refer to the new me as a Backslider.
I knew people who had left the church, I remember how I thought about them, how I judged them and felt sorry for them. I remember how once they were gone, no one really talked to them anymore. They were no longer one of the “Us” they had become one of the “Them”
And now that was me.
WHY IS THE ZINE CALLED “BACKSLIDER”?
Leaving was a challenging, confusing and lonely time for me. I wanted to make something to honour my time growing up in Church, as well as my leaving. “The Backslider Project” was an open tab on the desktop of my mind for a handful of years. An idea that I didn’t know what to do with.
At the same time, I had also been looking for an opportunity to do my version of a zine. So when I realized the two ideas should be combined into one project. Everything just started to click.
WHY A ZINE?
Nothing feels like holding physical media in your hands. I love the feeling of opening a new record and looking through the lyrics and the art. I wanted to make something that felt the same as that. A zine is an affordable way to make that.
Another great thing about a zine is that it can be anything.
I had never written publicly in the way that I do in this project. I felt hesitant and insecure to share my voice in that way, but when I combined those written pieces with this theme and style of design… it just clicked. The zine became a way for me to expand my style of writing, while using skills I felt stronger in. Backslider wrapped all that together and was the perfect container for it.
ZINES ARE ROCK and ROLL
When Jack and Meg White made a White Stripes record, I’ve read that they went into the studio with “nothing” prepared and would jam out the record in the weeks that it took to make it. That’s rock and roll.
A zine is made with that same intention and spirt. It’s an approach that’s of the moment. It takes all your talent/skill/previous experience and wraps it in the thing you cranked out in a handful of weeks. That was my approach and my hopes for Backslider.
IS THE ZINE “ANTI-CHRISTIAN”?
The zine is about some of my experiences growing up in Christianity, why I left, and what that has been like for me. Your involvement with Christianity may have been healthy and helpful in your life. That’s great, I’m happy for you.
As a whole, that was not my experience and I had a bunch of unresolved feelings about it that needed to be worked through. Some of it was good, and parts of it may be true… but as a whole it left me broken and confused.
Backslider is my expression of that experience: 33 years of Christianity, what that was like and why I left… designed, written and jammed out in a few weeks.
I’m thankful for my time, and feel at peace about why I left.
I’m ready to move on. I just had to make something about it first.
Thanks for reading.
You can buy your copy of the Backslider Zine here
- Ryan Leacock
_the_fire_inside_
There is a burning fire alive inside me, is it alive in you?
THE FIRE INSIDE ME
There is a fire inside of me.
Do you have a fire in you?
A burning, alive, force
The Life Force
The power of life that brings cells to life
’causes your heart to beat
and your lungs to breathe
Some of us are given an extra measure
a bit of an extra dose
spilling over and
instead of destroying it continues it’s desire to create.
Is it ambition?
Are you just driven?
I think it’s something more
something pure
and ancient desire
for more
a burning desire to make
Make alive
make more
making so much that we create
New worlds
New fires
New life
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
BORN OF FIRE
This fire inside me
in my heart and my eyes
dangerous and alive
tonight It gave birth
A thing exists,
where there was no thing before
there is now a thing
Born of fire
baptized and then born again.
Now outside of me
a done thing
cannot be undone
Living on it's own fire
I finished my work.
- Ryan Leacock
_no one r͟e͟a͟l͟l͟y͟ cares anyway_
What if we just accepted that?
If you’re a creative, no one has to like (or care) about anything you do.
No one really cares anyway.
Sounds harsh. Doesn’t it? We all want people to care about the work we do, but at the end of the day, no one has to like it. And most people really don’t care.
And even those who like it, will never fully care or appreciate it the way it matters to you.
What if we just accepted that?
If you’re a creative, no one has to like (or care) about anything you do.
Is this such a bad thing? What if it didn’t have to be? What if it’s the thing that set us free?
What would you do if no one had to like what you did?
What would you write?
What would you sing?
What would you make because you wanted it to exist?
Most of the time when we’re making stuff, we are going to be the only ones that see it. If you’re going to work on something long enough to be proud of it, you’re going to be putting in a ton of hours that no one will see but you.
If the whole time you are doing that, you’re waiting for something that may or might not come at the end… eventually you’re going to burn out.
Because, there are zero guarantees that anyone will like what you do.
Or that you’ll make any money from it. Or that you’ll get famous from it. Or any other thing you dream about from it. Those are the possible perks of a creative life, they are not what you are entitled to.
You’re entitled to your work. That’s it.
My suggestion is that you find a way to make peace with that. Or at least be able to say “Fuck it”, I’m doing this anyway.
Fuck it, I'm doing this
even if no one shows up
even if my cheerleaders are sick
even if no one understands
I'm making this, or these things, or right now this and then that and then that.
I’m making it because I want to.
Thank God, for Cheerleaders.
Of course, some people do care. Some people care but don’t express it (does that count? haha), but yes, there are going to be some people who show up at your shows, like your posts, check in with you, and are always in your corner. They care about you.
God bless those people. All the gods from all the religions, because they can give you that validation when you really need it. They are saints!
Bless them, but you can't count on them. Because those people still don't care about it like you do. And they won’t always be there.
It's yours.
Let everyone else off the hook.
Find the Thing and find a way to do it
Not all of your creative interests are going to be the Thing. Some of them are going to burn you out, some of them are impossible without buckets of cash, and some are behind Gatekeepers.
Find the Thing that makes you feel alive, and try to do it every day.
Stop complaining about gatekeepers, or money, or time. Find something that you can do with that you have. We only have so long on this planet - make the things that you want to while you're here.
Find a way to make “a version of” something that is going to make you feel alive by giving you that feeling of pride.
Like, if you want to write songs, write them because when you're done, a song exists that didn't exist before you. You made it and it can't be un-made. Then tomorrow do it again, and then again.
It's the only guarantee way to live a fulfilled creative life… make the things that you feel proud of, even if no one sees them, likes them or cares about them.
If it's a novel, it's a chapter that didn't exist.
If it's cooking it's your stamp on a dish.
If it's crocheting, it’s taking a ball of yarn and turning it into a stuffy.
Do the Thing you do.
Otherwise you'll always be waiting to start.
That, or you’ll be working hard and it won’t fulfill you.
Sharing without need
When you do the work, that you want to do because you want to do it and you do it all the time, you’ll start to finish things and start to collect a body of work. Share it.
But now, any thing that comes after is all perk. You’ve already done it for you, so if people love it, connect with it, buy it, clap for it… you can enjoy it without needing it. You can enjoy it without expectations or projected hopes for fulfillment.
And when people don’t show up for you, and it will happen, you’ll be ok because you did it for you. Because you’re a creative and you made something that didn’t exist before. And that’s all we actually get from this.
So, make peace with it.
Ryan Leacock
_ the (beautiful) burden of ideas_
Ideas are beautiful. They have the power to change our world, or they can fail miserably. But if we want to grow as creatives we have to embrace the risk and follow where they lead.
I've had ideas work out, and I've had ideas fail. Whatever happens, I'll have more ideas in the future... and some of those will fail and others will open into new worlds for me.
This week I stepped into my forth year of podcasting, Season 4 of the Creative People Podcast kicked off with a great convo with KW artist, Trevor Clare.
I had a really great time talking with Trevor - you can check out here.
At the beginning of the episode, I talk briefly about my desire to find my own work. Last week I also blogged about the Plays, which have lit up my life, and are part of the creative work I want to do with my life.
It's funny how ideas work, most go nowhere. But some get their own life. You find yourself still working on them 4 years later.
I've said it before, the podcast changed my life. It opened my world, changed how I thought about people... not to mention how I interacted with them. It has helped mature my creativity and taught me so many little things that have added to my whole life.
But something was wrong, and I've spent the last 6 months starting to fix it.
The podcast is about creativity, obviously. But it's through the lens of other people's work. That's how it was built and I have no interest in changing that. It's the work of others, all connected from different types of work that makes the podcast so interesting. And that's great for the podcast, but it's not enough for me as a creative. As an... artist. (cringe)
The podcast can't be my only work, I needed something for myself.
Here’s what I got:
6 months ago I started writing a novel for an idea I've kept as a pet in my mind for years. I have also written a Zine, which is (fingers crossed) coming out in the next few weeks. I also have another podcast idea that's starting to get it's own gravity.
But fuck, I've been a ball of anxiety and imposter syndrome about them. But like, why?
I've had ideas work out, and I've had ideas fail. Whatever happens, I'll have more ideas in the future... and some of those will fail and others will open into new worlds for me.
But my mind (that bastard) will say stuff like this:
"Who do you think you are?"
"What are they going to think of you"
"What if they think you can't do it"
"What if they are right?"
This is the less romantic part of the creative life... ideas fail. We are drawn and inspired to try, but there is never any guarantee it’ll work. It's why most people don't really try. Putting yourself on the line, saying your going to make something and then making it... put you on the line.
Being on the line is uncomfortable. But you know what's more uncomfortable, not doing the stuff that's inside of you to do.
It takes time, and courage. Self awareness, self confidence and humility. It takes resilience because it can be a slog.
But it's also the best.
Because when it works, and an idea turns into something. Big or small... it's magic.
And it's the magic I'll be chasing for the rest of my life.
- Ryan Leacock
_Them Plays_
I recently rediscovered my love for acting and being on stage. It took me years to find my way back, here’s how I found my way.
Last summer, I’m scrolling through my podcast’s Instagram feed, and I see a post from Innovative Productions regarding auditions for something they were calling “That One Act Thing”. I knew it was for me.
Back in my younger, more religious days I did a fair amount of stuff on stage. It was one of the highlights of my time with Christianity. One of the perks of going to a big Evangelical Church was that they liked using the arts to get people in the door.
It meant I had a home in a place that otherwise, probably would have rejected me.
But I left it.
Left church, left the stage, left acting and working with other people in that way.
Oh, my God… did I ever miss it.
It’s why I remember seeing that Instagram post so clearly, it was like a shift inside of me. A shift that was trying to say, this for you.
In the months since September I have done 2 plays with Innovative Production. I’ve connected with people who’s work and talent I respect and appreciate. I’ve grown in my confidence and something inside my soul has come back to life.
Both of the weekends of the plays, the first in October and the second in February, I had a big dumb grin on my face Friday/Saturday/Sunday and rode those great vibes into the following week.
Since starting my podcast, I have been on my own creative journey. Learning not only how to interact with my creativity but also what I actually want to do. I used to want to be a filmmaker, and losing that left me wandering for quite awhile.
It took me years to find my way back to the stage. That’s a lot of false starts and big ideas that went nowhere.
But I found a part of what I’m supposed to be doing. And while I don’t know what the future holds, I don’t care.
I just want to keep doing it.
- Ryan Leacock
_3 Essential Books on Creativity_
“One must always be careful of books, and what is inside them, for words have the power to change us.'
- Cassandra Clare
I wrote in my last post about the focus change I'm doing with the Creative People Podcast. You can read that here, but basically, I've spent 100 episodes exploring creative living and how to do it well. While that will always bleed into every episode of the podcast, it's a change of focus that excites me because of the foundation that has been laid.
While doing the podcast for the last 2 years, I have immersed myself in the topic of creativity and have found many of the answers I went searching for. Between 100 conversations and dozens of books, I have lived and breathed creative living and I have a couple of book recommendations from my quest.
These are books that I went back to time and time again because I wanted their concepts burned into the folds of my mind. I was an extremely frustrated creative and the lessons I learned in these books resolved much of that as well as informed my perspective whIle I made my podcast.
Here’s the list:
Stephen Pressfield is my guy. His minimal bullshit approach to creativity, and living a creative life has fundamentally changed the way I view mine. He introduced the concept of Resistance, it being the negative forces that seem to push against us while we are doing worthwhile and "important" work. That alone is worth the price of the audiobook. But the way he takes this concept and runs with it as he walks through the struggles of creatives is so honest and on-point. After you've read The War of Art, follow it up with No One Wants to Read Your Shit and Turning Pro. Really the 3 of these could be one big-ass book that will change your life.
This short book written in the 90s isn't on many people's radars and it might be because it was so ahead of its time. So while the references and examples are pleasantly nostalgically dated, the insights are spot on. Personally, Fear is something that I've dealt with a lot in my life, though the more modern term would be Anxiety.
This is a book about doing the work, and all the bullshit that can get in the way of that. From higher education, self-doubt, and imperfection Ted Orland & David Bayles tackle it all in the quick read.
This book led me to start the podcast. It was the first book I had read specifically about Creativity and it was essentially like pouring gas on the little flame that was inside me. I didn't know at the time I was reading it that it was written by Ms. Eat Pray Love Elizabeth Gilbert but the book did send me on my own spiritual journey that paralleled the ones she sent on with her previous book. And while there is a bunch of "magical thinking" the book is also practical and insightful.
2 things come to mind on this point. Her description of your field as the "shit sandwich" that you choose and our creativity being a dog that will eat your furniture if you don't use it, spring to mind. It’s a must-read.
Additional mentions:
The Creative Habit by Twila Tharp is a practical and non-magical look at creativity. The way she breaks down certain processes and approaches are incredibly refreshing and really takes the mystery of doing this kind of work, in the best and most inspiring way.
The Artist's Way - honestly, I kinda hate this book. I didn't like it at all, HOWEVER, I did find the workbook companion very helpful. And this is where the concept of Morning Pages originated. Morning Pages are recommended in numerous books that I have read, and it's a practice that I have adopted. Morning Pages are essential.
ADHD 2.0 - One of the things I've learned is that what I called CREATIVITY was actually many things mixed into one. The topic of ADHD and neurodivergent minds comes up often these days. I think figuring out how your brain works is essential to unlocking your creative potential. Sometimes the things that we call "creative" are actually different ways of learning and how some minds work differently than others. As creatives, we can be extremely hard on ourselves. Understanding how our brains work, and making peace with that is essential.
Hope this list helps you find peace with your own creativity.
- Ryan Leacock
_on 100 episodes of the Creative People Podcast_
What I have learned, and where does it go from here?
I just didn't want to fail, that was my main goal when I started the Creative People Podcast. Being one of those creatives with a trail of unfinished projects in his wake, I knew I didn't want this to be another. My other hope was to build a community and maybe make a little bit of money. Well, I haven't made any money but 2 out of 3 ain't half bad.
This week I published my 100th episode of the podcast, so I thought it would be good to reflect on the milestone a little.
Before I really knew anything about podcasting, the podcast began as a logo on my computer. It became a thing from there because it just nagged and nagged at me for about 6 months.
The inspiration came from other podcasts, namely WTF with Marc Maron and Armchair Expert with Dax. Episodes of those podcasts had helped me with my creativity in a couple of important ways. They made me feel less alone and weird, as well as giving me helpful insights into how creativity worked in their craft. I wanted to make something that doubled down on those aspects and opened the scope beyond just famous people who were making bank.
So in Jan 2020, a couple of months before the pandemic, I bought a Yeti mic and dove in. I knew that if I was going to get decent at it I was going to have to put in the hours and if Malcolm Gladwell's math was correct, I had better get rolling on my own 10,000 hours. Then the pandemic hit and it felt like I was in the right place at the right time. Everyone was home, no one knew what they were doing and the need for community became essential.
That first year I was publishing 2 podcasts a week, partially just because I wanted the podcast to be taken seriously. It was completely unsustainable work-wise, but all that hard work at the beginning is the main reason I'm at 100 today. It was a wave that I rode through burnouts and numerous hiatuses.
So what have a learned and where do I take the podcast now?
I learned about creativity and I let go of my frustrations with it.
Creative frustration was the fuel of the podcast. I wanted to get better and I didn't want to be a victim of my own creativity any longer. Before the podcast, "creativity" felt like a state I would magically get into some days, but it wasn't something I could count on. I had constant guilt that I wasn't "doing enough" and that I was wasting my gifts. Some of that hasn't fully gone away but the main frustration and confusion have resolved.
There are so many episodes along the way that shifted the way I looked at creativity. Here are two off the top of my head.
#94: Filmmaker: Kyle Sawyer: "Making Something of Value"
The way that kyle explained his method of knowing which ideas are good and worthy has fundamentally changed the way I approach ideas and creative work. Kyle said in our interview that he follows the things "that occur to him". His reasoning is simple, "if it occurred to me, then it can occur to your audience"
Kyle's "Ideas that occur" has become my guiding light now. This comes up most often when I write, I don't write anything that doesn't occur to me. What this simple change has done has essentially changed the way that I write because I'm not trying anymore. I get myself in a place where I can collect the things that occur to me, rather than trying to make it what I think it should be. For me, this way of thinking has put the burden of creativity on a different part of my brain and the quality of my work has risen.
#75: Musician: Densil McFarlane: "Different things coming out of my body"
One great thing about the podcast is all the different personalities and approaches I got to interact with. Densil of the OBGMs was one of the most intense people that has been on the podcast. His whole thing is that he wants to be creatively strong. Creativity is a muscle and you gotta get yourself in the creative gym every day.
Densil's goal of becoming "creativity strong" changed the way I saw my creativity. It went from a thing that happened to me if I was lucky, to something that I could play an active role in. It become something that I could nurture and take care of and in time something I could count on because I had put in the work to get strong.
I love the magic of creativity but these two simple and practical insights elevated my creativity and resolved a ton of my frustration. Over the course of 100 episodes, my love for the magic of creativity has remained but it's balanced now with a perspective based on a collage of experiences and insights from people putting in the work. That's something that I will forever be grateful for.
What now?
Going forward I expect the podcast and its scope to open up. The thing about creativity is that it's not really one part of our lives, it weaves through all of our life. I have spent most of the last 100 episodes focusing on getting stronger creatively, all my questions and every episode started from that objective. Moving forward I expect the themes, questions, and episodes to grow more organically. Shifting the focus more to the people and letting the rest unfold from there.
I'm excited to see how this change in focus will affect the podcast and curious to see where it leads and changes the show. Creativity and how we interact with it will weave through these conversations but my hope is that this change in focus will bring the podcast to new places, topics, and listeners.
For me, these 100 episodes represent my own personal "understanding creativity" journey and I'm proud of what I have learned. I made a bunch of wrong turns over the last two years, I learned a lot of stuff the hard way. I had misstseps and false starts but knowing what I know now, I know that those are just part of the process.
I'm thankful for all the support that the podcast has received and I'm excited to take it to new places, allowing it to grow as it needs to.
- Ryan Leacock
_disappointment_the creative's burden_
I'm starting to realize that I'm going to have to accept disappointment - because it doesn’t seem like it’s going anywhere - and it’s everywhere.
For one - It's part of the process for our work. Getting better at our craft is a road through disappointment. Often, the things we create are not what we see in our heads and it takes time and practice to get it to where those two things match.
And then you challenge yourself again, and the cycle starts over. More disappointment ahead! That’s the process.
But the burden is more than that.
Speaking bluntly, it’s people… they are going to disappoint you. Not in like a heavy, let you down when you really needed them kinda way. (though...)
But in aesthetic, in scope, in execution, in their capacity, or not seeing what you see, etc, and so on.
It's part of the loneliness that comes along with this life. People you love won't get it. Their efforts may not look the way you want them to or be as inspired as you like. They may be silent expressions or express love in a way that goes under our "creative person" radar.
Some of us are so fucking good at stuff that most people are bad just ok at, that if we’re looking for the love/affection of others to always be at our higher standards, we will be constantly disappointed.
For instance: If you're good at surprise parties, you may have to accept the disappointment that you'll never get a great surprise party. The people who love you might not be the kind of people who are good at surprise parties... that's why they have you.
The sad part is that other people won't understand it. You can't tell them, but inside... we know we are stopping ourselves from curating or designing or whatever it is you do well. I often have to purposely turn off the part of my brain that helps in my creative work when I'm dealing with other people's expressions of love, or I will not appreciate them as deeply as I should/could.
I've been reflecting on this for a while now, back in the summer I was speaking with a creative friend (who I've had on the podcast) and she said in passing, "I'm constantly disappointed" and I thought, "You are? Me too? Oh, I'm so glad someone finally said it."
I don't believe it's because we're assholes. (I know she's not, at least.) I believe it's because we have high standards.
We all know we can be our own worst critics but we can forget not to be so tough on the people we love. We might not even realize we are being too tough on them. And even when we do recognize it and make peace with it, we're still dealing with a general sense of disappointment.
I think it's ok to have a hard time with that. I’m pointing it out and talking about it in the hope that acknowledging it can help us be ok with it. I’m writing this to remind myself to take off my fine-tuned “creative goggles” and see the love in things badly made, poorly planned, or unable to be properly communicated.
Here’s the thing about disappointment, it stems from our expectations and the lens through which we view our lives. If we are only looking for the things that look like love, or beauty to us - we won’t see other expressions, or we won’t give them the weight they deserve. Especially internally, where disappointment can fuel isolation - that’s where I feel I struggle with this the most. It’s an overall sense of disappointment, which leads to loneliness. But I’m getting better at seeing the whole picture. (I hope)
Looking for and giving weight to these expressions can help reframe and better inform our expectations - which should lead to us feeling less disappointed, and maybe even cause us to grow in our own expressions of love and support.
I was thankful that my creative friend expressed her disappointment. It made me feel less alone in it, which made me feel less guilty about it, which led me to write this - and hopefully helped me grow a little.
That’s showing up for me.
I hope you found this encouraging and relatable.
I’m here with ya, in the trenches of creativity.
All the best.
-Ryan Leacock
*cross posed at CreativePeople.blog
_a *4ree* studio/gallery in NYC_
A creative exercise to help us reframe our perspective and get back to making work that matters.
Blog+ A *FREE* Studio in New York City
Today I want to walk you through a little mental exercise. Play along with me, because it's changed the way I think about my creative work and I think it's worth sharing.
Let's say there was a performer, and ever since they were a little kid they wanted to make it to Broadway. One day in a bizarre turn of events, they inherit a small studio/stage in New York City.
Included in the space is a short letter:
This is your space, it's not on a great street but Andrew Lloyd Webber had this space back when he started out. See what you can do with it, kid.
What will our hypothetical performer do with this opportunity?
Let's take it a step further, imagine in a bizarre turn of events, YOU are given a space in New York City (or whatever the big city equivalent in your chosen field) - you're told you can do whatever you want with this space, perform, display art, sell art, write, make films, sing, dance... WHATEVER YOU WANT! If you can afford to stay alive and take care of your needs, the gallery/studio/stage is yours.
But once the space is yours, you own it for life. There is no guarantee you will make money with your space. And there is no guarantee anyone will care about what you do in your space.
There is a short letter included:
I have seen people like you do nearly everything there is to do with this space. Some of them have turned it into empires, some enjoy just sharing the space with a couple of friends. Some people abandon the space for years before coming back to it, some never return. Some get attention overnight, while others work for years with only a few visitors. Some have become rich and famous, some never make enough to pay for the tools they need. This space, can and has been everything. What are you going to do with your space?
What would the hypothetical you do with this opportunity?
Our creativity is our platform, and digitally you have space in the Big City of the internet. Between a website and social media, you have a space. Is that really that much different than have a small creative space on a "nothing" street in NYC? Earlier in the blog, you didn't think so.
What I like about this mental exercise is that it gives us the opportunity to look at our creativity in a new light. It sidesteps some mental roadblocks for me, and it inspires me to ask some different questions. For instance:
How would I promote my work if I thought about my creativity as an opportunity to put something cool in my space in the big city?
How excited would I be to meet that challenge?
How would that affect my work?
It inspires me to action. It's an invitation to make.
Each and every creative person has the potential to make a platform with our creativity and the freedom to put whatever we want on it. If you can get over the fact that you may not make money and no one has to care about what you do, you can do whatever you want. That's an opportunity.
So, what are you going to do with it??
I hope you found this encouraging. You got this, bud!
Show up, and do the work.
I’m in the trenches of creativity with you.
- Ryan Leacock
*cross posed at CreativePeople.blog
_what’s my deal_?
I’m still trying to figure that out.
I've always had to learn things in unconventional ways.
Back when I was a teenager, we were just beginning to understand mental health as a practical thing we interact with. And when I was a child, we didn't understand it at all... at least not in the “Christian Bubble” that I was born in. “Anxiety”, which I knew very well as "Fear", took hold early, and jeez is it ever insidious. Unchecked anxiety mixed with dyslexia and a dysfunctional home meant that I did really badly in school.
Did really bad in school?
Smart people, which is it?
My point is that I did not get off on the right foot. I can take some responsibility (and boy I do always, thanks again “Anxiety”) but as I get older and my kids get older, I'm letting myself off the hook a little. I was a kid in a mess.
A lot of us creatives were “kids in a mess”.
I had to find a way to make it work, so spent the last 15 years working my way up in sign shops, & teaching myself how to design… learning how I designed. I figured out how to finish big, ambitious creative projects on the side (like Apps. short films, and screenplays) Basically, I found as many back doors into things as I could. If I didn't have the schooling to back me up, then I would find a different way. It often worked and I got by. But I never felt valid.
That said… all of this has given me everything I have today. My drive, ambition, and voice.
Then things started to change.
It starts with sleep apnea, then medication for anxiety, working out & owning my body, losing my religion, and I started a podcast.
It’s been nearly two years since I started the Creative People Podcast - It started as a logo and three goals.
I wanted to connect with people.
I wanted something that I would have to work on every week
I wanted to understand creativity, and how we interact with it.
I had dedicated a lot of my life (and anxiety) to Creativity over the years. It was my greatest joy and my great burden.
I had the creative itch. But it always felt as though I was spinning my wheels, over-revving or if I did get something going… I would burn myself out on it, right into a wall. It was not a healthy relationship and when I wasn't doing all of this, I was feeling anxious that I wasn't using my God-given gift.
That was my dysfunctional relationship with Creativity.
I knew that if I hoped to do the things I wanted to do in life I was going to have to figure my creativity out. So I started the Creative People Podcast, hoping it wouldn't be just another thing I tried.
Around this same time, my wife and I were "distancing ourselves from Christianity" - I felt lost and the way I expressed it to my her was that I was looking for my "new Bible" - like what are the rules when you've turned your back on pretty much everything we believed before?
One of the things I love about creativity is that it connects to everything. My road to understanding creativity had me reading books on Creativity, obviously. But it also led me to books on Leadership, Business, Mediation, Marketing, Comedy, Self-help, Creative Writing, Finances, and Brain Development. (I say “read”, but what I did was listen through them again and again with an earbud at my signshop job. I'd break them up with podcasts and Stephen King books, but mostly I was learning.)
It wasn’t just the books, I had the same approach with the podcast.
Talking about Creativity with my guests meant we talked about a little bit of everything. Getting deep on creativity weaved the stuff I was learning in the books into the insights I was starting to understand about the creative process. I learned something from every guest and I can say honestly that those 80+ conversations changed my life.
I found my "bible" in creativity.
Creativity is the greatest gift in my life now. But a burden remains.
What do I do with it?
What can I contribute?
And how do I do that while making sure my 4 kids are fed, and that I take them to Disneyworld one day?
I wrote a blog post for creativepeople-blog.com where I said that ideas are lil' Idea Vehicles. You take what you have around you, your gifts, your taste and the resources you have around you and you build your work.
So here’s my deal.
I am a unique, unschooled designer.
I have a voice. I know how to make things look cool.
I know what makes something work. I can write and I can produce.
I have a deeper understanding and love for creativity.
I offer Podcast Services because I love podcasting. It changed my life. I know how to make a good podcast, and I know how much fucking work it is. I can help with that. It's one of the things I can contribute.
I offer Design Services because I love design, and I don't think we need to be precious with it. In a sign shop, you have to get the work out the door. In the shop, design is functional.
Inside my head though, I'm an intuitive designer. Good design is when it feels like it becomes more. I believe one way to do that is by using intuition.
Good design is function meets intuition.
I'm building Creative People Co. because I want to connect, make with and encourage Creative People. It’s an extension of the work I’m doing with the podcast.
I believe in Creative People. I love creative people.
I think a lot of us are misunderstood. I think a lot of us are frustrated. I want to help. I can write blogs and I can coach. I can pass on to you the things that I have learned and plan to keep on learning. I can help connect people via the podcast, help us feel less alone in our work and encourage us. We do our work alone and it is a battle that most of the people around us do not understand. But I understand, and other creative people understand.
That's my deal. I'm a creative guy who wants to use my gifts. This Company and website is the structure I'm building to do that.
If any of this strikes a chord with you, I'd love to work or connect with you.
Send me an email ryan@creativepeople-solutions.com
All the best buds,
Ryan Leacock