_я𝕪ＡŇ LＥＡ𝓬σ𝓬𝕂_ᵇ𝔩σＧ
_the_fire_inside_
There is a burning fire alive inside me, is it alive in you?
THE FIRE INSIDE ME
There is a fire inside of me.
Do you have a fire in you?
A burning, alive, force
The Life Force
The power of life that brings cells to life
’causes your heart to beat
and your lungs to breathe
Some of us are given an extra measure
a bit of an extra dose
spilling over and
instead of destroying it continues it’s desire to create.
Is it ambition?
Are you just driven?
I think it’s something more
something pure
and ancient desire
for more
a burning desire to make
Make alive
make more
making so much that we create
New worlds
New fires
New life
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
BORN OF FIRE
This fire inside me
in my heart and my eyes
dangerous and alive
tonight It gave birth
A thing exists,
where there was no thing before
there is now a thing
Born of fire
baptized and then born again.
Now outside of me
a done thing
cannot be undone
Living on it's own fire
I finished my work.
- Ryan Leacock
_no one r͟e͟a͟l͟l͟y͟ cares anyway_
What if we just accepted that?
If you’re a creative, no one has to like (or care) about anything you do.
No one really cares anyway.
Sounds harsh. Doesn’t it? We all want people to care about the work we do, but at the end of the day, no one has to like it. And most people really don’t care.
And even those who like it, will never fully care or appreciate it the way it matters to you.
What if we just accepted that?
If you’re a creative, no one has to like (or care) about anything you do.
Is this such a bad thing? What if it didn’t have to be? What if it’s the thing that set us free?
What would you do if no one had to like what you did?
What would you write?
What would you sing?
What would you make because you wanted it to exist?
Most of the time when we’re making stuff, we are going to be the only ones that see it. If you’re going to work on something long enough to be proud of it, you’re going to be putting in a ton of hours that no one will see but you.
If the whole time you are doing that, you’re waiting for something that may or might not come at the end… eventually you’re going to burn out.
Because, there are zero guarantees that anyone will like what you do.
Or that you’ll make any money from it. Or that you’ll get famous from it. Or any other thing you dream about from it. Those are the possible perks of a creative life, they are not what you are entitled to.
You’re entitled to your work. That’s it.
My suggestion is that you find a way to make peace with that. Or at least be able to say “Fuck it”, I’m doing this anyway.
Fuck it, I'm doing this
even if no one shows up
even if my cheerleaders are sick
even if no one understands
I'm making this, or these things, or right now this and then that and then that.
I’m making it because I want to.
Thank God, for Cheerleaders.
Of course, some people do care. Some people care but don’t express it (does that count? haha), but yes, there are going to be some people who show up at your shows, like your posts, check in with you, and are always in your corner. They care about you.
God bless those people. All the gods from all the religions, because they can give you that validation when you really need it. They are saints!
Bless them, but you can't count on them. Because those people still don't care about it like you do. And they won’t always be there.
It's yours.
Let everyone else off the hook.
Find the Thing and find a way to do it
Not all of your creative interests are going to be the Thing. Some of them are going to burn you out, some of them are impossible without buckets of cash, and some are behind Gatekeepers.
Find the Thing that makes you feel alive, and try to do it every day.
Stop complaining about gatekeepers, or money, or time. Find something that you can do with that you have. We only have so long on this planet - make the things that you want to while you're here.
Find a way to make “a version of” something that is going to make you feel alive by giving you that feeling of pride.
Like, if you want to write songs, write them because when you're done, a song exists that didn't exist before you. You made it and it can't be un-made. Then tomorrow do it again, and then again.
It's the only guarantee way to live a fulfilled creative life… make the things that you feel proud of, even if no one sees them, likes them or cares about them.
If it's a novel, it's a chapter that didn't exist.
If it's cooking it's your stamp on a dish.
If it's crocheting, it’s taking a ball of yarn and turning it into a stuffy.
Do the Thing you do.
Otherwise you'll always be waiting to start.
That, or you’ll be working hard and it won’t fulfill you.
Sharing without need
When you do the work, that you want to do because you want to do it and you do it all the time, you’ll start to finish things and start to collect a body of work. Share it.
But now, any thing that comes after is all perk. You’ve already done it for you, so if people love it, connect with it, buy it, clap for it… you can enjoy it without needing it. You can enjoy it without expectations or projected hopes for fulfillment.
And when people don’t show up for you, and it will happen, you’ll be ok because you did it for you. Because you’re a creative and you made something that didn’t exist before. And that’s all we actually get from this.
So, make peace with it.
Ryan Leacock
_ the (beautiful) burden of ideas_
Ideas are beautiful. They have the power to change our world, or they can fail miserably. But if we want to grow as creatives we have to embrace the risk and follow where they lead.
I've had ideas work out, and I've had ideas fail. Whatever happens, I'll have more ideas in the future... and some of those will fail and others will open into new worlds for me.
This week I stepped into my forth year of podcasting, Season 4 of the Creative People Podcast kicked off with a great convo with KW artist, Trevor Clare.
I had a really great time talking with Trevor - you can check out here.
At the beginning of the episode, I talk briefly about my desire to find my own work. Last week I also blogged about the Plays, which have lit up my life, and are part of the creative work I want to do with my life.
It's funny how ideas work, most go nowhere. But some get their own life. You find yourself still working on them 4 years later.
I've said it before, the podcast changed my life. It opened my world, changed how I thought about people... not to mention how I interacted with them. It has helped mature my creativity and taught me so many little things that have added to my whole life.
But something was wrong, and I've spent the last 6 months starting to fix it.
The podcast is about creativity, obviously. But it's through the lens of other people's work. That's how it was built and I have no interest in changing that. It's the work of others, all connected from different types of work that makes the podcast so interesting. And that's great for the podcast, but it's not enough for me as a creative. As an... artist. (cringe)
The podcast can't be my only work, I needed something for myself.
Here’s what I got:
6 months ago I started writing a novel for an idea I've kept as a pet in my mind for years. I have also written a Zine, which is (fingers crossed) coming out in the next few weeks. I also have another podcast idea that's starting to get it's own gravity.
But fuck, I've been a ball of anxiety and imposter syndrome about them. But like, why?
I've had ideas work out, and I've had ideas fail. Whatever happens, I'll have more ideas in the future... and some of those will fail and others will open into new worlds for me.
But my mind (that bastard) will say stuff like this:
"Who do you think you are?"
"What are they going to think of you"
"What if they think you can't do it"
"What if they are right?"
This is the less romantic part of the creative life... ideas fail. We are drawn and inspired to try, but there is never any guarantee it’ll work. It's why most people don't really try. Putting yourself on the line, saying your going to make something and then making it... put you on the line.
Being on the line is uncomfortable. But you know what's more uncomfortable, not doing the stuff that's inside of you to do.
It takes time, and courage. Self awareness, self confidence and humility. It takes resilience because it can be a slog.
But it's also the best.
Because when it works, and an idea turns into something. Big or small... it's magic.
And it's the magic I'll be chasing for the rest of my life.
- Ryan Leacock